Letters to Myself
by Sk8er Chica
Summary: Henry and Edward may share the same body, but that doesn't mean they have to like it. Power struggles and passive aggression abound.
1. Sharpies

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!**

Henry Spivey woke to the jarring blare of his alarm clock. His head felt foggy, partly because of the early hour and partly because he had a feeling Edward had recently made an appearance. Henry's suspicions were confirmed when he looked down at his bare chest and noticed black ink upon it. The ink was in the shape of letters. Some people are born with the ability to read upside down, but Henry Spivey was not such an individual, so he crossed over to the mirror. "_Angie (heart)'s The Hummingbird_" was scrawled his pectoral muscles. He swore loudly at his reflection, thumping the dresser with his fist. This hurt more than he'd anticipated, so he hopped around on the spot, waving his hand and seething from pain.

"Henry, is everything all right?" he heard Angie shout from downstairs.

A few moments later, he heard footsteps on the stairs. His heart started to hammer. He couldn't let Angie catch him like this; she could be killed if she knew his secret! Henry thought quickly about what to do. He made a mad dash for the bathroom, slammed the door, locked it, and stepped into the shower. He'd just started to apply soap to his chest when he heard someone knocking on the door.

"Henry, are you in there?" Angie called.

"Yes, honey!" Henry yelled to make himself heard over the water.

"I heard a crash. What happened?" Angie sounded concerned.

"Everything's fine, baby!" Henry reassured her.

Water was now flooding his ears, so he was unable to hear most of his wife's reply. He did, however, catch the words "breakfast...kids...school...and soccer." Henry glanced at his chest and was frustrated to discover the writing was still there. He grabbed Angie's loofah and began to scrub. It felt like heavy sandpaper going across his skin and was doing nothing to erase the message. Henry knew he had to get to work soon, so he cut his shower short and dressed. He went to his and Angie's room to grab his laptop.

"Henry, breakfast is ready!" he heard her say.

"I'll be right there!" Henry called. "Just gotta e-mail a client."

He sat down on the bed and typed the following note: _Dear Edward, I am tired of you writing messages on me with black Sharpie. It's like I'm sharing my body with an overgrown frat boy. You seem to like putting them on places that are hard to conceal. Not to mention how hard they are to wash off. I even tried using Angie's loofah. Do you have any idea what my chest felt like afterward? Besides, how am I supposed to explain if (God forbid) Angie ever sees one? From now on, if you have something to say, use the camcorder or email.  
--Henry_

Henry put his laptop in its carrying case and went downstairs to the kitchen. He quickly ate a lukewarm blueberry Pop-Tart before dashing out to his car. Once he arrived at A.J. Sun, Henry got his customary cup of coffee and booted up his computer. '_1 New Email_' flashed across the monitor. Henry opened his inbox, only to find Edward's e-mail address in the 'From' column. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure nobody was looking his way before opening the message. _  
_

_Henry, Thanks. I was wondering where that painful rash came from. Almost beats the time you broke both our fingers. The next thing I wanna say is "GROW UP!" Sharpies never killed anyone (not that I know of, anyway). Hmm, you have one good point. The messages would look a little suspicious to Wifey. Okay, how about this? I'll quit writing on you if you promise to put some decent booze in the fridge. Maybe some Wild Turkey, single-malt Scotch, Russian vodka, or top-shelf tequila. No more wine coolers, for God's sake! If I didn't know you were married, I'd think you were gay.  
--Edward  
P.S. Say "hi" to Angie for me. I know how much she enjoyed last night._

Henry let out a stifled moan. This was not a good start to the day.


	2. Alcohol and Family Fun

Henry was a little more cheerful as he left AJ Sun. He'd managed to go the entire day without being summoned downstairs or having an Edward attack. Before heading home, he decided to stop at a nearby liquor store. He purchased a bottle of Smirnoff vodka and some Johnnie Walker Red. He then drove home and entered the house with the brown paper bag. The family German Shepherd licked his hand, wagging her tail happily. Henry breathed a sigh of relief; that meant he was still himself. Now he just had to get to the kitchen and sneak the booze into the fridge without Angie spotting him.

'_Damn_,' he thought, noticing she was in the kitchen.

Then he realized she was cooking and talking on the phone. Therefore, it seemed unlikely she'd see what he was putting in the fridge. Henry had just crossed the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door when he heard Angie say, "I have to go. I love you too. Bye." She hung up the phone, walked up to her husband, and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind.

"How was your day?" she asked.

Henry shrugged. "Ah, same old, same old."

He managed to slide the bottle of Smirnoff into the fridge unnoticed. But then Angie stepped around to Henry's side and saw him put away the Johnnie Walker.

"Honey, are you sure work's okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, honey." Henry shut the refrigerator.

"And nothing else is bothering you?" Angie wanted to know.

"No. Why?"

"Well," she bit her lip, "I'm not exactly sure how to say this, Henry. But...you never used to drink...drink anything that strong, anyway. I know you have a lot going on right now, but there's no need to fall into a bottle. If you're upset, just talk to me, please."

Henry knew he couldn't explain the real reason behind the expensive liquor, so he just nodded and said, "Okay, honey."

As was often the case with her, Angie's mood lightened instantly. "Henry, I've got something important to tell you and the kids."

'_Dear God,_' Henry thought. _'Please don't tell me Edward got her pregnant!' _

The couple heard the front door close as their kids came back home, Ruthie from a friend's house and Jack from his martial arts class. They walked into the kitchen, Jack making a beeline for the refrigerator.

"What've we got to eat? I'm starving," said the seventeen-year-old.

"Jack," Angie said in a warning tone.

"What?"

"I've already taken care of dinner. It'll be ready in a little while." said Angie.

"Mom, can I go to the mall with Cheryl this weekend?" asked Ruthie. "She's getting her ears pierced and she wants me to help her pick out the earrings."

"We'll see," said Angie shortly. "Kids, there's something I want to tell you. I just got off the phone with your aunt Andrea." Off Henry's confused look, she added, "You know, my younger sister. Anyway, she wants us to come to Nevada and spend Thanksgiving break with her and her boyfriend. His name's Aries." Angie ignored Henry's smirk and her son's smothered snort of laughter. "He's some type of executive at one of those Indian casinos in Reno."

"We're staying at a casino?" asked Jack enthusiastically.

"You're not old enough to gamble, so don't get too excited." said Henry.

"As a matter of fact, we are. Andrea and Aries booked us a high-roller suite." said Angie. "Wasn't that nice of them?"

"What's _that _gonna set us back?" asked Henry.

"That's just it, nothing," Angie said happily. "They're comping the whole trip. Andrea seems so happy. She thinks Aries is going to propose soon."

Henry mulled this over. He liked his sister-in-law well enough, but she'd never seemed the marrying type...a little venomous at times... Henry's vision began to blur; he suddenly felt dizzy.

_'Oh no,_' he thought. _'Not now._'

"Hold on. Let me see if I've got this straight." He was now speaking in Edward's clipped tones. "We're going on vacation to Reno to see your man-eating sister and the boyfriend she'll probably break up with while we're there?" He shook his head. "I need a drink."

He opened a cabinet for a glass, and grabbed the bottle of Scotch from the fridge. He removed the cap and poured himself about three fingers' worth. Edward tossed his head back, draining the glass as quickly as possible. The Spivey children exchanged troubled looks; they'd never seen their father behave in such a fashion. Angie looked slightly worried.

"Henry, what's the matter with you?" she asked.

"I think I just made that pretty clear," said Edward, his throat a bit tight from the alcohol. "But, hell, at least we'll be getting the VIP treatment before she dumps _this _guy."

"You know that's just cruel. My little sister is in love." Angie's voice rose.

Edward poured himself a second glass of scotch. "Excuse me for a minute," he said.

He walked around to a back room of the house, where he knew he wouldn't be overheard. He took out his cell phone, set it to video camera mode, pointed it at himself, and recorded a message for Henry.

"Hey, thanks for the booze; I really need it to take the edge off the boredom of your suburban existence. Sorry your wife thinks you're an alcoholic. Listen, Henry, I know you're broken and all, but could you try to stay unbroken for Thanksgiving? I love casinos and VIP treatment as much as the next guy, but I can't take family drama...especially female drama. Ugh, women crying gives me a migraine. On second thought, maybe I should show up. I mean, if your sister-in-law's as hot as your wife and ends up needing a shoulder to cry on, I guess I'd be up for that. Think she'd like The Hummingbird?"


End file.
